Comfortable in my own skin

Comfortable in my own s

I've always come across as the kind of girl that can't be put down. #ConfidenceOnFleek - some would say. Not always a bad thing but not necessarily a good thing either.

With that said, journeying through each passing day, I realise that there is a thin line between confidence and obnoxiousness. You just have to wear each suit appropriately.

In anticipating the next level of undisputed awesome, I realise that my confidence levels can easily grow and can just as easily wither - very much like a flower. It's up to me to mould it in the right direction to get the most of the best outcome.

In the wake of the universal turmoil and sabotage of brown skin, I boldly embrace not only my skin - beautiful & chocolatey - but also embrace and affirm who I am, what I like and my passions, regardless of what is popular opinion and what is not. I guess that's what 'they' mean by #DoYouBooboo. Somewhat petrifying in the beginning but really, you have to stand for something or fall for anything.

Which brings me here, I kinda understand why people say life begins at 30. Late twenties aren't as bad as they sound though. I have grasped being confident about what I am and somewhat confident on how to do this life thing, that's a big chunk of what I can ask for. I am not the same person I was last year or the year before or even the year before that - that's a start. That's a stage. I see growth. My twenties have given me room to fail, fall apart, learn, grow, mould and the chance to know that every day, every situation and every person I encounter is a reason and opportunity to learn and even understand from another perspective...

Here's to keeping it moving everyday regardless, reaching a place of engrossing confidence and comfort in my beautiful (brown) skin.

Remember, you're only as confident as you plan to be.

Emancipating change or something like it...

I'm of the opinion that friends are the family you choose. Best choose well, you can't keep changing your family like underwear... calls for weird dynamics, right? 

This is one tale of friendship and change as I've lived it...

We all live a life that continues to metamorphosizes day by day. We wake up, we sleep, we eat, we drink, we speak* (If afforded such luxuries anyway). We do almost everything systematically/routinely and its very hard to believe that things change so much and so quickly too. Only later on, a week, a month,a year we realise that change is imminent and change is necessary and change has happened. In the changes in personality and interests sometimes even your group of friends change. Suddenly the family you choose no longer fits in your routine, fits in your goals and you start to move further and further apart. Sad but true. Sad but ok. That's part of the journey of life

I had a friend not so long ago. She was one of those friends that I would see every weekend and she would confide in me & at some point we were inseperable. She would go the extra mile by introducing me to her other friends as ' her best friend in the whole wide world.'
I knew that was never the case because we did have our differences, differences that best friends should never have. None-the-less, I still took her as a friend and with being my friend comes a lot of blatant honesty. Not the one sided type but were I expect the level of honesty from you that I give to you. I mean... Is that too much to ask?

Fast forward to about a week ago, I realised that not only did she block me off Facebook but
stopped following me on Instagram too. The what now??? At that point I realised our friendship was not just over but very over. It wasn't at all that I kept her on Facebook to keep tabs on her, nor did I ever play the dormant Facebook 'friend'. We had grown apart, yes, but I would always like the occasional status or better yet drop a text when she was doing good. Not only was I shocked but a little hurt too especially because it was all of an intentional act. That was never discussed and never hinted. Adding insult to injury would be finding out that she still follows the rest of our mutual friends and some of my family members. Im the only one that got the cut. What did I do so wrong? As life would have it, I bounce back and its turned to a standing joke: When you get defriended not only on Facebook but in real life too. Rough. All's well that ends well, one less person following (read:stalking) you on Social Media.

Initially it was awkward. It was very awkward but what's even more awkward is the realisation that we are adults. We are adults and life is moving at quite a pace. Within a couple of years my focus won't be who wants to be friends, who is drinking what, my concern will-God willing-be my kids who I would like to grow up in the presence of loving, responsible parents, extended family and framily (friends that turn to family). That's all. If I'm not building a good environment for myself now, free of drama, free of people who make bad decisions & don't learn from them, people who are not on the same path as me, then I'm doing it all wrong and certainly not doing myself any favours.

That's when it dawned on me that actually actually actually. I didn't lose anything. Did you hear that? I lost nothing. This person that called herself my best friend, constantly made decisions I wasn't comfortable with and during our reign I constantly had to put in more effort to maintain this one friendship. Maybe then I had that kind of time & patience but unfortunately or fortunately that is not the case now. If i think about it which I have, I come to realise that this person doesnt fit in anywhere with anything in my life. Don't get me wrong, its not so much that she's not good enough, it's more that she's not good enough to be in my circle and my business. A decision she made for the both of us.

 I've lost nothing because as we all know people are often only in our lives for a game and sometimes the gems stay around for a couple of seasons- The Grande Finale too. Who will it be, you might ask, however that is only something you will find out in the end.

Remember, the changes in your life are only there to build you. If you aren't building on the right foundation with the right ideas (all different and personally tailored of course), there's always a chance to tear down and rebuild, properly.

Progress

I’m definitely being quite naughty tonight, as it is indeed way past my bed time, but since I’ve been wanting to share this for a while, what is a few minutes past my bedtime just get my musings out in the open?

I like to think my writing touches and affects. I like to think I write on relatable topics. I like to think somebody is gotta be feeling this way too. I like to think my posts guide in one way or another. That’s just what I like to think. Whether all that’s true or not, here goes… something.

I would like to introduce the word ‘progress’. As the dictionary would have it:

Progress is a movement toward a goal or a further or higher stage.

This is a word heard throughout our lives. The word dates back in everybody’s life to that time (2 months plus to be precise) you were in your mommy’s tummy, getting comfortable with being comfortable. Growing slowly but surely.  For us to be here and be healthy and able [to read] the doctor must have said once or many times, “Your baby is making progress”. The word is also repeated in your early- out the womb days, continuing all the way through primary school, secondary school and if you are privileged enough, tertiary too.  Just like that, we have a timeline of constant progress. Beautiful and somewhat fluid.

If you’re living this life thing, progress is imminent, active and I guess responsive, but it can also be staggered, slow and sluggish. I don’t doubt that life is a beautiful journey because I have one too many testimonies and epiphanies to believe otherwise. A recurring theme in my posts is the idea of bumps throughout the journey. In those times, your progress always seems like it’s being interrupted or stunted and that moment in time it is so hard to get out of or even believe there’s a way out. Everything and anything can happen in one, two, three days, infact everything does happen! Life does happen regardless of whether you are conscious or unconscious about it, in that moment though, it seems like very minimal is happening, however what we fail to grasp is that tiny drops make an ocean. It is through doing that small bit today, that little bit tomorrow and that tiny piece of this and that next week, that gets the job done and builds a masterpiece-This is also how progress is made. That is how you reach your milestones.

May 2015 and May 2016 already look completely different in my perspective. The person I was in 2015 and the person I am now probably wouldn’t recognize each other. The lows were low and highs were high but it is really through some divine intervention I can sit here and write the words, “I am fine. I am in a good space. My journey is my own”. This progress thing, is a thing. My journey continues.

I must admit, in naming this blog all those days ago I had a vague idea of what a journey was (thanks Oxford dictionary) but I don’t think I was ready for what I had opened myself up to and what this part of my journey entailed. I have been patiently surprised and devastatingly disappointed all, in the same breath. Things don’t always go your way and that’s OK because they will go some way and I guess as long as you’r doing your best, you can expect results. Everything that happens in your life is not a mistake, once you grasped that, you will find the days are days and the nights are nights and somehow you live through each day and each night, moving on to the next day and night et cetera.

The reality of the matter is, you have to push on the good days just as hard as you push on the bad days. Progress comes from the act of pushing yourself, moulding yourself, adapting yourself and of course, trial and error.

I don’t have everything but what I do have is yet another progress report. I cannot stress this enough too, never measure your progress against anyone else’s. Stick to your lane, keep your eye on your own goals and realise that you are your only competition. Be the best you!

Remember, progress is an ongoing process- Never give up!

Victim or victor

The days, weeks and months leading up to this post have been slow, somewhat treacherous and equally as frustrating. I’ve spent copious amounts of days with ‘clipped wings’- Death of motivation for a busy be like myself. Unfortunately, instead of practicing what I have preached in the past, I’ve found it easier to feel like a victim.

Yesterday, today, last week, a month ago, January the 31^st, those were all borrowed time that I realize to my self-detriment, I have wasted. I’ve wasted them because I have single-handedly chosen not to apply myself. What do I say to that? Sies! (Yuck) No more!

As the journey continues, it’s clear that it is so easy to hit a bump in this road and another, and then another and another and another until it eventually feels like there’s no smooth patch in sight, relentlessly throwing you into the deep end of doubt, disbelief and sometimes neglect-A deep vortex that some people don’t ever find their way out of. As I gather the courage to walk on, I need to realize that these tough days will come, and they will come fierce. And you know what ‘victim’, it happens. Furthermore, the victim attitude gets you nowhere.

Dear Stranger, nobody said yesterday would be easy and tomorrow would be easier but once you apply yourself and think, there are things you can do today to take the load off tomorrow.

Dear Modiegi, it’s a normal course of life that the sun won't shine everyday but in everyday there’s an opportunity to shine- you’d be a fool not to seize those opportunities.

Dear life, sometimes it’s so hard to say thank you, but really thank you for today, yesterday and the possibility that there will be tomorrow.

The shutdown of procrastination, leads to wrapping my head around the fact that tomorrow isn’t guaranteed but today is. The opportunity to carpe diem exists and should be respected. Every day that I get to breathe, automatically makes that a day to win. Let the fact that we live in a world where so many people don’t get the opportunity to see a new day, a new month, a new year or even celebrate the next birthday sink in… That should be enough motivation to get going and use today to do better!

Of course, I don’t have all the solutions on hand, but I would think the first chapter of the manual is titled ‘Start Somewhere’.

Remember, it can rain everyday but even in the toughest storms, there will come a calm. Dance in the rain and push through the storm. It is a self-service to strive to be a victor not victim of this thing called, life.